Sometimes, life is hard

I promised a friend of mine that I wouldn't make my blog just a highlight reel. That I would be "real." I want to inspire. And I know that I am inspired when others share what is hard too. This isn't super hard, but it's not a sunshine and roses post either.

I've wanted to be a lot of things in my life. But my passion was, and still is, photography. I owned a studio for 7 years. I did a bit of weddings, some family work, but my favorite was newborns and young kids. I couldn't get enough of it. I worked hard. I sacrificed time with my family. And last year I made the very difficult decision to shut down my studio.

Why is it that even when you know something is the right decision, it can still hurt?

I'm sitting here in my office, in my loft, outside my old studio staring at my pictures on the wall. I know I need to take them down. I'm not having clients in my home anymore and I turned my studio into a bedroom for my 13 year old daughter; I have no need of random photos of other people's children on my walls. But my pictures are still up. I have this fear that if I take them down I am somehow admitting defeat; failure even. If there are no pictures then maybe that part of my life didn't really happen.

But on the flip side if I leave them up on the wall it's like they're mocking me. Cute smiling faces and sleepy newborns staring at me, reminding me that I "quit."

So basically if I leave them up, I fail. If I take them down, I fail.

See what I mean? Definitely not all sunshine and roses today.

I am trying hard to tell myself it's OK. I did it. I chased my passion and for 7 years I was immersed in something which I love. I photographed dozens of weddings, many families, and literally hundreds of newborns. I didn't fail. It was a chapter of my life and now I need to close it. Because this is true.

Now ask me if I'm going to take the pictures down right now?

I'll think about it.......